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 Consider two situations in life.
The day after the wedding, the daughter-in-law told her husband's parents: "We will eat separately." And while they were recovering from amazement, she went into the kitchen and began to busily draw the line between "her" household and her parents. She divided kitchen cabinets, shelves in the refrigerator, determined where "her" dishes would be, where the parent's.
The second situation. After the wedding, the father of the newly-made spouse said: “Well, guys, start an independent life. Look for an apartment, start your own farm. At first, we will help, but in general, try to rely on your own strength. "
Tough situations, isn't it? And ambiguous.
However, they are ambiguous from the point of view of morality, but in economic terms there is nothing to argue about. Parents and children, even if the latter have already grown up, started their own families, it is more economically profitable to run a joint, common household. This is confirmed by the results of sociological research, and common sense pushes us to the same conclusion.
First home universities
It is no accident that in ancient times the sons, having got married, were in no hurry to separate from their parents, to live with their own home. Together it was easier to run a household, to resist adversity, to raise children. The daughter-in-law immediately fell into the teaching of the mistress of the house, and she still had to earn the right to independently manage the household. At first, the young woman was kept in "black" work, but if they noticed her diligence, diligence, and homeliness, then more responsible matters were entrusted. There was also a kind of grinding in of characters, the ability to yield, respect each other came. Young housewives do not go through such a "university" these days.
And today the joint life of parents and adults, married or married children is economically beneficial. Take food. When a common table is kept, then the economy develops rationally, the consumption of products is less, time is saved on trips to the store, cooking, and washing dishes.
Relationship with mother-in-law
Savings will be felt on other items of expenditure as well. After all, everything that is in the apartment can be divided into two main groups: individual and family use. The first group includes clothing, footwear, hygiene products, haberdashery goods, and more. In the second - furniture, radio and television equipment, books, cultural, household and sports goods. If a young family decisively dissociates itself from their parents in the kitchen, then it is natural to assume that the boundary will go through the whole apartment. There will be “ours” and “theirs” a radio, TV, books, “their own” shoe polish will be bought, each family will use “their” iron. Not only is this separation not at all conducive to creating a welcoming, helpful atmosphere in the apartment, this method of housekeeping is uneconomical.
Two families - two lifestyles
But let's look at the situation from which side. If the young after the wedding settle down with their parents, then, whatever one may say, there are already two families. Everyone has their own needs, their own requests, their own range of responsibilities, their circle of friends, their hobbies. And this, of course, introduces significant adjustments to the cost structure. Any little thing can matter here. Well, let's say a young family likes to watch entertainment programs on TV, and parents like serious performances. And they often coincide in time. And someone has to sacrifice their own tastes. How not to come up with a saving option: buy a second TV.
And so in everything. Adults insist on simple, moderate food; young people are not averse to pampering themselves with delicacies. Adults are ready to do with a standard wall, young ones - serve antiques.Let it be more expensive, but it's a thing! Parents prefer a quiet way of life, and children will call guests - and the noise continues well into the night.
By little things, by episodes, there is tension in communication, in life. And it grows due to the uncertainty of monetary relationships. It would seem that the way out is simple: since a common household is being conducted, then the money earned should add up to a common pot. But the young have so many expenses! And gradually it all comes down to the fact that parental money goes to food, and to pay for utilities, and to buy many household items, without which it is impossible to maintain a house. Parents have to squeeze their needs, and the young, living on everything ready, acquire the habit of easily spending money. And again this leads to cracks in relations, an increase in mutual reproaches.
Another thing is also dangerous: young spouses do not gain experience in managing the family budget. They only know how to spend, but to distribute money, they are not able to take a sober look at the price of the thing they like, because they are not used to counting rubles, kopecks. Parents, by the way, quite often condone such monetary infantilism. Say, while the children live without worries, they still have time to suffer, making ends meet.
And as a result: the “kids” will ever have a home, but the ability to run it is unlikely.
So bad. Is it really good when relatives in the same apartment cook separately, eat separately, wash their hands with "their" soap, use each "own" TV set, set a cleaning schedule for common areas? The apartment voluntarily turns into a "communal apartment" with all the ensuing circumstances: strangers live in it. As practice shows, in order to maintain normal relations between adult children and parents, it is better for them to separate. At some distance we become dearer to each other.
When young people are united by both love and common economic interests, what can bind them closer?
Does all this mean that you must necessarily live separately from your parents? Of course not. It is likely that people of different generations are able to get along well on a common living space, lead a joint household without disputes and discord, harmoniously linking the interests of all family members. And peace and harmony will reign in such a family. Others will disperse, but the younger generation will still often turn to their parents for material support.
It is impossible to give recipes for all occasions, and you need to decide each time in accordance with the specific circumstances.
Andreev N.A. Our house
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